Getting a sunburn in the UK

The UK is known to be not known for many things: The good weather, the national food, the spacious and modern housing, the unanimous wish to be part of a supranational organisation … from this list many internationals might find the lack of sun one of the most depressing features at times – especially when they are constrained to live and study in their rooms/the library for 95 percent of their wake daytime, leaving them then with 5 percent of their time to appreciate rain. Given you are mainstream enough to prefer dry and warm over wet and cold, and based on a true story of a small excursion that started at Catz, we will give some suggestions here for you on how to increase sun intensity watts in the UK.

This is actually in the UK! (Photo Credits: Arpita Mitra)


0. The most essential step as usual is the preparation. As Louis Pasteur said, ‘Luck favors the prepared mind.’ – so the following is of utter importance: don’t pack sunscreen and DON’T pack cloth which would cover the snow white parts of your body, even if you fear they will shine so bright that far away ships might mistakenly interpret you as an S.O.S. signal, don’t forget to pray regularly to the British weather gods offering them parsnip mash as sacrifice and don’t stop reading this how-to.  

1. Take a bus at 4:30 am from Gloucester Green going somewhere in the SOUTH OF THE UK. Then miss your connecting Bus due to delays, and insult the people working on the national express morning shifts. Arrive at SOUTH OF THE UK late. It’s time for some morning coffee or milkshake with excess sugar to get you back to the level that you were on while demonising National Express.  

2. Take another (much smaller, though equally expensive) bus that takes you even FARTHER SOUTH into the SOUTH OF THE UK. Then observe that you are in fact in the south by witnessing to your surprise that the grass area of the UK is finite and actually surrounded by water! It is now time to examine this new surface structure more closely – but wait, something is in your way, and then you remember: the UK grass area has voted long ago to not to be associated with the water anymore! To underpin its uniqueness and singular appearance big cliffs were erected separating the green grass from the yellow beaches and blue water. Thus, there is no other way, you will have to go down-the-line of stairs of the big-cliff-building first … but then, with the sudden feeling of warm sand under your feet, you might come to the conclusion that after all yellow and blue are a part of Britain as well.  

3. And now, it’s bikini time!  



Travel time from Oxford to Bournemouth/Isle of Wight: 3 – 5h
Price (one-way): 10 – 25 GBP